my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
