My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
