We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i black out too much to be "responsible"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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