U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
