all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
