There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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