I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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