it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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