I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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