Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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