i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My first STD was from a foam party
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
