lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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