We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
