hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
