Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
