Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think I sprained my soul last night
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
