1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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