people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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