if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
