it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
