8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
