He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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