i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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