I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
