Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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