Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize