I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
