She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
