I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
