I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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