My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
