the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
