dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
