I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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