now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
