I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
