see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
