OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize