If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
