Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
