You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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