insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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