I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
