So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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