I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
