you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
