that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
