She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize