nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize