I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She's the barista slut.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
