i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
