this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize