you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
