thus making me awesome and them whores
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
