There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
