You made me cry and you don't even care
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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