It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
