Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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