Apparently you make a good broom.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
