Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
