Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
