I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Dick very happy bro
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize