I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
