ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
