the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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