I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
