just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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